Nyanterprise
by ZenaraTheDragon
Summary: Just like the title says...Not sure if it's crazy enough to be considered a crackfic- what am I talking about, of COURSE it's crazy enough! Rated K-plus for language. Might not be entirely complete after all, ch. 8 may be updated, and sequels are definitely going to happen at some point! *If this hits 25 reviews I'll add new chapters!*
1. Chapter 1

Nyanterprise

It was a quiet day on the USS Enterprise; no Klingons, no Romulans, no supernovas-threatening-to-destroy-entire-star-systems.

So, naturally, everyone was bored.

Captain Kirk pulled back the rubber band, aimed it expertly, and let it fly.

_Snap!_

It hit its target, as it always did. Spock nearly flinched as the rubber band hit the back of his head. It was taking all of his mental control to not turn around and strangle his commanding officer.

Kirk smiled smugly at the tension he could see in Spock's shoulders. If he didn't know better, he would have said the Vulcan was annoyed. Kirk reached into the bag at his side and pulled out another rubber band.

"Keptin! Picking up something on zhe long-range sensorz," Chekov said.

"Confirmed, Captain. Organic, possibly living. Moving at Warp Six," Spock added.

"Is it within viewing range?" Kirk asked, dropping his rubber band (much to Spock's relief).

"...It iz now, sir," Chekov said.

"Put it on the main viewer."

Chekov pressed a couple buttons, and an image of the space behind the Enterprise appeared on screen. Approaching rapidly was a small, grayish entity with a brightly-colored trail behind it. Most confusing, though, was the way the black of space around it changes to dark blue, the stars became undulating points of light, while a hint of an upbeat song reached the crew's ears.

"What is it?" Kirk asked.

"I do not know. However, it does not appear to be hostile," Spock said.

The thing pulled up alongside the Enterprise. Now they could see it: a blocky version of a vaguely feline face, tail and paws, with a rectangular, pink body. The song from before had gotten louder, too.

"The question still stands: What is it?" Kirk asked again.

"Now that I can see it more clearly, I believe it resembles a 21st- century image known as 'nyan cat'."

"..."

"It was an image of a catlike being with a body consisting of a pastry known as a 'pop-tart' and it produced a rainbow trail, and accompanied by the song that is playing now."

Kirk looked at the thing on the viewscreen. "And you think this could be one of them?"

"Logically, it could be an illusion of one."

The nyan cat on the screen suddenly veered towards them. The Enterprise shook for a moment, then the nyan song became much louder and unseen lights made the bridge flash rainbow colors.

"Sickbay to bridge! What the hell's going on?!" McCoy's voice burst in.

"No idea," Kirk said.

The nyan cat on the viewscreen had vanished, but the effect it had on the surrounding stars stayed.

"Spock, what the hell's going on?" Kirk asked.

"...I believe the Enterprise is now the source of the illusion. Mr. Chekov, please put an aft image of the Enterprise on screen."

The viewscreen changed again. Now, streaming from the back of the ship, a rainbow-colored disturbance lit up the space behind them.

"...What. The. Fuck." Kirk said.

"Engineerin' to Bridge!" Scotty's voice was frantic.

"Yes, Mr. Scott?" Kirk hit the reply button.

"There's somethin' strange goin' on down here! Th' warp core- well, it doesn' have antimatter anymore!"

"No- well, what does it have?"

"Light! Visible-spectrum light, but almos' in a physical form!"

"...Rainbows?"

"...Aye, rainbows."

"...And a catlike thing?"

"Hang on, lemme check-"

Kirk waited anxiously for Scotty to get back.

"Aye, some pink-an'-gray cat thing, flyin' around in there! What is it?"

"A nyan cat."


	2. Chapter 2

Nyanterprise 2

"How do we get it out of the warp drive?" Kirk asked.

"...I do not know," Spock admitted.

"Did the 21st century internet give any clues as to how to deal with these things?"

"I believe several video parodies were made, in many of which the main actor employed various violent tactics to defend themselves from hostile nyan cats. However, several games pertaining to nyan cat show it being attracted to sweets."

"I'm definitely liking the option where we don't blow a hole in our own warp core. Can you get the replicators to create some kind of cake? Maybe- just maybe- if we get its attention and then beam the cake outside the ship, it will follow?" Kirk hypothesized, glaring ast the rainbow-trailing internet relic that had possessed his ship.

"That is a logical conclusion. Perhaps, then, we could take offensive action?"

"Yes!" Kirk said, "once it's out of the ship we'll hit it with a photon torpedo."

Kirk sent Scotty up to the transporter room while Spock tried to get cake from a replicator.

The cake sat before the warp core, double-layer with chocolate frosting and marshmallows.

The nyan cat flying around did something akin to sniffing the air, then it zipped down and hovered right in front of the cake, its rainbows idling in clouds behind it. Its eyes became huge and, when Spock shifted the cake a little to the side, it followed the cake's movements precisely. Slowly, the flashing rainbow lights diminished and the nyan song got quieter. Carefully, Kirk and Spock picked up the cake and carried it out of Engineering. The nyan cat followed, leaving the warp core. It inched forward bit by bit, a squarish tongue poking out of its mouth.

"This thing really likes cake, huh?" Kirk commented.

With the cake over the transporter pad, Kirk and Spock prepared to drop the cake and run.

The nyan cat was watching the cake intensely, and, seeing that it was about to acquire said cake, it began jumping up and down, and the nyan song reasserted itself in the air.

"Scotty, beam the cake out in three... two..." Kirk nodded to Spock, and they quickly set the cake down.

"Beam it out! Now!"

The transporter beam took hold of the cake, (with the nyan cat producing its own rainbow-colored beam) and Kirk ran to the bridge.

"Where is it?" he snapped as the doors of the turbo lift opened.

Sulu pointed at the viewscreen. "Right there, sir. And... it _really_ likes cake."

The nyan cat was_ hugging_ the cake, occasionally licking the side. For some reason, tiny hearts floated around the cat.

Kirk breathed a sigh of relief.

"Is this craziness all sorted out, then?" McCoy asked, walking onto the bridge.

"I wouldn't say so just yet..." Kirk sighed.

"What the heck is that thing, anyways? It looks like something my daughter showed me once." McCoy grimaced. "At least that damn music's gone..."

They watched the nyan cat in silence for a moment. "Mr. Sulu, power up the photon torpedoes," Kirk ordered.

"Photon torpedoes ready, sir!" Sulu said.

"I believe that, as you would say, everything is occurring according to our plan," Spock commented, watching the nyan cat cuddle the cake, ignoring the Enterprise.

Kirk froze, staring at Spock.

"...You _jinxed_ it, Spock!" McCoy hissed angrily.

"I 'jinxed' it?"

"You did, Spock! You fucking _jinxed_ it!" Kirk yelled, facepalming. "Shoot the damn thing anyways. We'll deal with the jinx."

Sulu shrugged. "Firing photon torpedoes, sir."

Two photon torpedoes shot from the ship.

As the torpedoes struck home, the nyan cat's blocky mouth opened in a wavering yowl. Suddenly it exploded into rainbows- giant beams of rainbows that hit the Enterprise point-blank.


	3. Chapter 3

"...Ow..." Kirk said, trying to get up. He'd been thrown across the bridge when the Enterprise had been... had been what?

"Everyone all right?" he asked.

Various responses greeted his ears.

"I think everyone here's okay," McCoy said. "Nothing worse than a few bruises and a minor concussion."

Spock got up and limped over to the navigation console. "...Captain," he said, "I think you should know..."

"Yes, Spock?" Kirk winced as he walked back to his Command Chair.

"...We are not in Alpha Quadrant anymore."

"_What?!_"

"Our star charts show that we are now near the center of the Delta Quadrant."

"..."

"Delta Quadrant?" McCoy asked, looking up from tending an unconscious Chekov. "That's clear on the other side of the galaxy, isn't it?"

"Indeed," Spock said.

"And here we are," Said Kirk grimly. "Brought here by that _damn cat-_"He broke off, gritting his teeth. "How long will it take us to get back?"

"At Warp Nine? About... seventy years," Sulu said.

"And we canna go a' Warp Nine for seventy years," Scotty added.

The Science console beeped. Spock tuned back to it, looking at the reports.

"Captain, sensors are showing an organic mass similar to the nyan cat. Life signs very faint."

Kirk scowled. "Another nyan cat?'

"Possibly."

"Will it be hurt by the vacuum?"

"Ordinarily, I would say not, but it appears to be much weakened."

"It may be the only way to get home; another nyan explosion. Can we beam it aboard?"

There was an immediate chorus of "No!"s.

Kirk blinked at the vehemence of his crew. "...Even if it's the only way to get home?"

"In that case, it would be... Logical..." Spock looked as though for once in his life he wanted to abandon logic.

"Damn your logic, I don't want that thing's song and lights causing any more hysteria!" McCoy said.

"Maybe it won't produce the song in its weakened state," Kirk said. "Take us closer, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu steered the ship slowly towards the nyan cat, careful not to turn it into spacekill. (Roadkill/Spacekill- Get it?)

"Can you hear the song?" Kirk asked.

"...No," McCoy said guardedly.

"Last time we could hear its song even when it was outside, remember? So, maybe the song will be gone, or at least at a reasonable volume," Kirk reasoned. "Mr. Scott, please come with me to the Transporter Room."

When they beamed it aboard, the nyan cat was tiny- the size of a small house cat, when it had been much bigger before. It was wrapped in a pale rainbow cloth-thing, with its head sticking out- a head that looked much more like that of a real cat. Or... kitten.

"It's..._ adorable_," Kirk said, picking up the bundle. Indeed, the nyan cat now looked like a nyan kitten, with the only indication of a pop-tart body being the bright pink fur on its sides.

"Are we going to take care of it?" Spock asked.

"I think we'll have to," Kirk said, "but now I feel terrible that we'll have to hit it with photon torpedoes."

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"Let's take it to sickbay," Kirk suggested. "I know someone who'd _love_ to see this."

"..."

Kirk kept grinning as McCoy stared at the rainbow-wrapped kitten.

"..."

"Well?" Kirk prompted.

"...Jim, I'm going to have to revise your psychological profile," the doctor said at length.

"Oh, come on, Bones; it's _cute_!"

"So what? It's cute now, sure, but what happens when it gets bigger? I'm not gonna take care of it for you, y'know!"

"Bones, it's not a _pet_; it's how we're getting home!"

McCoy's answer was cut off by a song starting, and rapidly getting louder.

"You see!" he said triumphantly.

"Wait," Kirk said, "That's not the nyan song."

"It sure sounds like it," McCoy snorted.

"On the contrary, Doctor," Spock said, listening, "It would seem to be the nyan song... backwards."

"The nyan song again? Backwards?!" Kirk fumed, heading for the bridge.

Stepping out of the turbo lift, he stared at the main screen. Hovering in front of them was another catlike being- but this one had black fur, and it changed the black of space to blood-red with floating skulls. Its rainbow was black-and-white.

It seemed to be staring at them with its piercing red eyes.

_...You have my enemy_, a deep voice penetrated Kirk's brain.

"Your-"

_My enemy. Through all space have we battled._

"You don't mean the nyan cat?"

The new cat hissed, baring shining fangs.

_He is_ _my kind and not my kind. We are destined for battle._

Kirk gulped. "But he's just a kitten, now," he pleaded.

_I must strike my blow while I may._

"Are you both immortal?"

_No._

Kirk sighed. "So there's a possible end," he muttered. "Who are you?"

_The Other._

"Captain," Spock said, "I believe there was a much-depicted alternate version of the nyan cat, known as tac nayn. It had a waffle body in place of a pop-tart, was usually set to the nyan song played backwards, and sometimes said to be evil or misunderstood."

"Great," Kirk said, "We're dealing with two mighty cats whose songs, played together, will drive us crazier than either one played alone; said cats are mortal enemies sometimes seen as good and evil; and _they_ are our only chance of getting back to our part of the galaxy." He let his head fall forward on his hands. "This day just keeps getting better."

_Let me see my enemy, _the tac nayn ordered.

"No. We're going to get him to send us home," Kirk snapped.

The turbo lift doors opened, and McCoy stumbled out, cursing and chasing a leaping, grinning nyan kitten.

"Jim, help me atch this damn thing! It wouldn't sit still, and then someone opened the Sickbay doors."

The nyan cat cheerfully evaded McCoy's every attempt at capture, finally leaping into Spock's arms and curling happily against the Vulcan's chest.

Spock's eyebrow, at this point, was raised so far as to disappear into his hairline.

"..." Spock blinked.

"..." Kirk stared.

"..." McCoy tried not to laugh.

Spock stared down at the pink-and-gray cat in his arms. It stared back, a slightly hyper smile on its feline face.

A high-pitched purr echoed through the near-silent bridge, joined shortly by a deeper, quieter one.

"Spock, is the nyan kitten purring?" Kirk asked.

"Yes," Spock said quietly.

"...Is it the only one purring?"

"...No." a greenish blush crept onto Spock's face.

"Spock, are you- _purring_?" McCoy asked, sniggering.

"It is one of the... more unfortunate inheritances from my feline ancestors," Spock muttered. "It was less noticeable when there were numerous tribbles making similar sounds."

The entire bridge crew laughed. Spock turned to the science console, the nyan cat still in his arms.

_...What in the name of..._

Kirk jumped at the tac nayn's voice. The black cat was staring at them with its head tilted and one red eyebrow raised.

_...That was strange. But it is no matter. You will give me Nyan Cat. You must not interfere with our destiny._

"We won't let you kill him," Kirk spat.

_Will you raise him again as your own, then?_

"Sure," Kirk said quickly. Behind him, McCoy looked up with rage and disbelief written on his face.

"Jim! You want to keep that obnoxious-"

"Please, Bones! It's better than condemning it to certain death!"

McCoy growled something and sulked.

_My enemy cannot return to power._

"What if he wasn't your enemy anymore?" Kirk asked. "What if he was raised differently, if your conflicts were resolved?"

The tac nayn was silent for a moment.

_...I will think further on this, and bring you my answer._


	4. Chapter 4

Note: I have absolutely no idea where this is going. I could, at this point, easily turn it into a Voyager (they're already in Delta Quadrant) crossover. So this chapter is mostly filler, and a little bit of Nyan Cat causing havoc. At this point, reviews/ideas are greatly appreciated!

* * *

_I__ have considered your proposal_, the voice of Tac Nayn announced several hours later.

"Good," Kirk said, looking up from the nyan kitten. "What have you decided?"

_The One shows no inherent dislike toward me,_ the black cat said.

"So you'll let us raise him?"

_I will let you attempt to raise him right. I would... also appreciate it if you attempted to alter his naturally-produced song. We were given ours at the beginning of our Times; now he is given a second chance and I would appreciate a change in his music,_ Tac Nayn said.

"You and me both," McCoy muttered.

_May I enter your ship?_

Kirk looked at his senior officers. "Is that all right with everyone?"

"As long as he doesn' take o'er th' warp core, aye, it's fine," Scotty said.

"Well, I'm fine with this, but since when is this a democracy?" McCoy asked.

Spock merely raised an eyebrow for Kirk to interpret as he may.

Kirk shrugged. "All right," he said to the Tac Nayn, "You can come aboard."

A red-and-black shimmer appeared in front of the turbo lift, and a moment later Tac Nayn appeared.

The Nyan kitten looked up from its snuggling in Spock's arms and regarded its former nemesis with wide, happy eyes. It bounced down, leaving puffs of rainbow behind it. It leaped onto the Tac Nayn's back and sat there, making happy noises and looking down at its 'chair'.

Tac Nayn looked up with a wary expression, which quickly softened into a smile.

_This is... a new type of encounter,_ the Tac Nayn said quietly.

The Nyan kitten nodded cheerfully. Suddenly it took an interest in some of the rainbow clouds floating around it, finding, much to its delight, that it could easily bat the garish spots around.

_Little One, I will show you something I used to entertain myself with, in the Beginning_, Tac Nayn said, producing grayscale clouds of his own. Tac Nayn gathered them with his paws, patting them into a larger cloud. He then leaped onto the cloud- carefully, so as not to disturb the nyan kitten- and, snuggling into the fluff, began pulling himself around with his front paws.

The nyan kitten's eyes widened and it looked around at its own clouds, hurriedly jumping around to gather them itself. Clambering shakily aboard its new transport, the nyan kitten sunk itself into the cloud almost up to its eyes, and suddenly began zooming at high speed at head-level.

"Duck!" Kirk said, doing so himself.

The rest of the bridge crew did, too.

Except Spock.

He just leaned out of the way whenever the nyan missile got near him, watching its pattern, and then-

the nyan kitten let out a yelp of surprise as its ride ended rather abruptly.

Spock stoically gathered the nyan kitten- and his cloud- and headed out of the room.

"Spock, where are you going?" Kirk asked.

"To the shuttle bay, where there is significantly more airspace."

* * *

Over the next few days, as the crew tried to figure out _why_ they were in the Delta Quadrant, and how the _hell_ they were going to get home, the nyan kitten presented itself as a source of humor, or a nuisance, depending on how you looked at it.

McCoy saw it as a nuisance.

"That thing'll be the death of me," he muttered every time the kitten, on one of its now-preferred rainbow clouds, got out of the shuttlebay and, somehow, into sickbay. (Which was, for some reason, quite a common occurrence.)

Spock saw it as a nuisance- probably for revealing his ability to purr_._

"I believe the nyan cat will interfere with the crew's ability to properly complete tasks," he told Kirk repeatedly.

Kirk saw it as a source of humor.

"It's just too cute to hate," he'd say whenever anyone complained about the kitten. "And have you _seen_ it flying around? It's just so- so-" Kirk would have to stop to contain his _squee_'s.

Scotty was still skeptical. The nyan kitten seemed to enjoy whizzing through the Jeffries tubes, regardless of who was working in them. But he, too, was taken by the nyan kitten's adorableness; whenever it crashed into him in one of the tubes, it would always pick up any dropped tools and offer them to Scotty with a goofy grin.

The Tac Nyan saw the nyan kitten as a pleasant surprise: a kitten, playful and kind, instead of his ancient enemy.

_He is not as I expected_, Tac Nayn told Kirk one day. _And I am no longer as I was._ _I am being understood, instead of blindly feared. It is quite a nice change, actually._

The nyan kitten quickly became a common sight on the ship, zooming around on a cloud or hopping in its peculiar way. Spock and McCoy made every effort to avoid it (unsuccessfully), while Kirk (much to everyone else's dismay) wholeheartedly encouraged its antics.

* * *

The nyan cat was jumping around the bridge, hindering Sulu and Chekov's efforts to plot a course home. Jumping on the Navigation console, it turned on the main viewscreen with its foot.

"Captain!" Sulu said, "_Look!_"

"...What the_ hell _is that?!"

* * *

A/N: Like I said, I have no idea where this is going, or what Sulu saw on the viewscreen. I am now accepting ideas. Please review!


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Thanks to YouWhelmedYet for suggesting the Borg! Honestly, I'd forgotten that something appeared on the viewscreen XD Thanks also to Robin's Wife for suggesting time travel- it'll be in later chapters. Also, this story may (will) be moved to the crossover section.

They stared at the screen in frozen curiosity. Looming large in front of them was a metal, conglomerated cube-thing, possibly a ship, possibly something else.

"What is it?" Kirk growled.

"...I do not know," Spock said, looking up from his Science station.

A wink of light flashed on the bridge, leaving a grinning man there.

"Hel_lo_!" he practically sang, throwing his arms out wide.

Tac Nayn hissed, his eyes narrowing, and Nyan cat tilted his head, the kitten's usual high-speed flight stilled for once.

"Who are you?" Kirk asked warily, eyeing the newcomer.

"Moi?" the man asked, trying (and failing utterly) to look innocent. "You may call me Q."

Kirk nodded once, obviously waiting for an elaboration.

Q's face fell. "You... You don't know me?"

_**I **__know you_, Tac Nayn said, his voice dangerously low.

"Well, yes," Q said disdainfully. "But, you! Captain Kirk of the famed starship Enterprise! Really, how did you manage to get all the way out here? That's not supposed to happen for another- oh, goodness, how do you keep track of your short little years?" Q trailed off in thought.

_I advise you to treat him with caution_, Tac Nayn growled.

"Bah. Not why I'm here. Not this ti- oh, what is _that_?" Q asked, finally glimpsing the viewscreen. "Oh, them. Ugh, no. No no no. Not now. That's a challenge for another Enterprise." Q snapped, and the cube disappeared in a flash of light.

"Who is he? Who was the cube?" Kirk asked the waffle cat.

_As Nyan and I have been seen as Good and Evil, so he has been seen as Chaos. There are but rumors of an Order persona floating around, but whoever they are, they've gone too far. Order above and beyond what is right. I believe that cube was Order, to oppose Q's chaos. But Q himself? He has been allowed far too much freedom_.

"Allowed freedom? Please, Tacky. That sounds almost as though the Continuum could do anything against me." Q smirked.

"Continuum?" Kirk asked, feeling like he was mising something big.

_The Q Continuum. Our... Home_. Tac Nayn's contempt was unconcealed. _Powerful beings live there- like Q here. Nyan and I are slightly lesser Q beings, just barely mortal. _

"Oh, don't belittle yourself," Q said patronizingly. "Your kind is actually rather fun, if you get used to the, ah, music."

There was another bright flash, and Q was replaced by a cat-like being.

It was much like Tac and Nyan, but with brownish grey fur, a swirling nebuloid body, and a trail of golden light beams much like the flashed he'd produced earlier.

**Honestly**, Q-cat said, cat face maintaining the smirk, **this is so much more... **_**me**_**!**

And the song started.

Nyan song and Nayn song, each phrase alternated, and played so fast-

"Damn it Q!" Kirk and McCoy roared. Spock looked about to attempt a nerve pinch on the vaguely feline form, but after a few wary glances at Q-cat's neck settled for letting one of his eyebrows hide in his hair.

"A most illogically structured song."

Q-cat merely grinned.

"I'm going mad," McCoy said, "From that song and from my sudden aversion to illogic!"

Kirk couldn't help but grin.

A bright flash, and Q was humanoid again and the song was gone.

"That was fun," he said boredly, "But back to- mm, what were we talki-" Q broke off as the nyan kitten leaped from its cloud onto his head.

"Well," he said, trying to look up at his frantically purring hat.

"Nuncle Kew!" the kitten chirped happily.

The bridge crew stared in shock.

_His... first words_, Tac nayn said, a look of pure amazement on its face.

"If Q's his uncle, or, 'nuncle', I suppose- that just begs the question-" Kirk looked around, bemused, "Who does he consider to be his parents?"

"Well, actually, Jim," Q chortled, "There's a good chance you really _are_ his father!"

Kirk glared at Q. "I hate my reputation," he sighed.

"Oh, come on. You've earned it, you know." Q couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Kirk asked.

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"I don't like to break doctor-patient confidentiality, but frankly, Jim, if your STD record is anything to go by..." McCoy trailed off.

"You've betrayed me, Bones," Kirk muttered halfheartedly.

Q smiled his most obnoxious smile. "Well, anyways," he said, "You should probably set a course for the Alpha Quadrant."

"It'll take years to get back, even at Warp Nine!"

"Well, then," Q smiled, "Start preparing for another generation!"

"Thank you," Kirk said sarcastically, "For that oh-so-helpful idea."

"Anytime!" Q chirped. He was about to snap again, possibly to return from wherever he had come from, but a whimper from down by his feet stopped him.

"Nuncle Kew?" the nyan kitten whimpered, gazing upwards with enormous, teary eyes.

"I'm sorry, Little One. I must return to the continuum. I'll visit, okay?"

The nyan kitten looked away and nodded. Q vanished.

The entire bridge crew (even Spock) gathered around the kitten, whose bright colors were beginning to fade.

The kitten unexpectedly threw itself into Kirk's arms, reaching its short paws over his shoulder.

"Mama," it was heard to whimper.

Kirk blushed furiously at the laughter that erupted, muttering, "Well, that's a change."


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Disclaimers are in order here. Also slight spoiler alert: I do not own (takes deep breath) Star Trekkin', 'Ibettheywon'tplaythissongontheradio', 'the People Who Live in your Apartment Building', 'the Llama song', 'Trolol', 'You've Been Trolled', or 'The Song that Never Ends'. (phew!)

* * *

"Oh, one more thing," Q said, reappearing, "Watch out for the Borg. You saw one of their cubes already, they'll be coming back soon. Even I, omnipotent as I am, can only keep them at bay for so long." Q added smugly.

"So, Q, if you're so omnipotent, help us get home!" Kirk cried.

"Oh, where's the fun in that?" Q scoffed. "You can get home on your own."

"But that's a seventy-year trip, and there's a limited number of females on board!" Kirk soundd desperate.

"If I change some of the male crew into females, would you leave me alone?" Q growled.

"..." Kirk considered.

_That is not necessary. I believe we shall find a way home without Q's... questionable help_.

Tac Nayn raised an eyebrow at Kirk.

"Aww."

Q huffed and winked out.

Nyan Cat chirped something and pulled a ball of fluff out of the Nothing he and Tac Nayn utilized.

"Oh no," Kirk said.

Nyan Cat cooed to the tribble- for indeed, that is what it was- and the tribble cooed back.

_While he's distracted, what kind of song should we waken in him?_ Tac Nayn asked.

"A variety of _good_ music," McCoy said, "And none of that 21st-century crap."

_...Yes. A variety_, Tac Nayn agreed.

Nyan Cat zoomed through the air on one of his rainbow clouds, but partway around the bridge, a faint rainbow sparkled behind him.

"Oh my _gawd_!" Kirk squee'd.

_His first rainbow!_ Tac Nayn gasped, smiling for once. _I'm so _proud_..._

"What now?" McCoy groaned.

_We must hurry and expose him to new music- his powers will quicken soon_.

Nobody noticed a devilish grin passing between Chekov and Sulu.

* * *

"**STAR TREKKIN'! ACROSS THE UNIVERSE**! _On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk_!"

"SHUT THAT OFF!" McCoy, Kirk, and Scotty roared.

"I can't! And believe me, I'm trying!" Uhura yelled over the obnoxious tune, frantically hitting switches at her console.

She hit something right, because the song stopped for a few blessed moments. Then another started.

"I bet you they won't play this song on the radio, I bet you they won't play this new &$*%# song."

Kirk facepalmed. "Whatever you did, keep trying, dammit!"

A new song now-

"We're the people who live in your a-PART-ment building, and you're stuck with all of us noooow!"

No, no, no! This is not the music we were planning on, was it?! Tac Nayn said, panicking.

"Oh no," Kirk said again.

"Here's a llama there's a llama and a fuzzy little llama-"

Uhura was getting better at switching the songs off now.

"Trololol, lololol, lolo-"

"Captain, there's now way to-" Uhura began, being cut off by yet another song:

"You've... Been... Trolled! You've been trolled! As you've probably been told-"

"What is being 'trolled'?" Spock asked.

_This_, Tac Nayn said, _is being trolled. Obnoxious or insulting comments or actions intended to cause conflict- that's trolling._

Spock nearly grimaced, but raised an eyebrow.

"Good God," McCoy said, noticing said eyebrow, "Why isn't that eyebrow in orbit yet?"

"I fail to see how part of my face could detatch itself and assume an orbit around-"

McCoy shook his head and ignored Spock's continuing tirade about illogic.

Uhura finally got the music switched off, after a rousing chorus of 'The Song That Never Ends'.

"Heey," Kirk said brightly, picking something up from the command chair, "My bag of rubber bands!"

Spock paled. Kirk grinned deviously and looped a stretchy band around his fingers. As he let it fly, Nyan cat swooped down and grabbed it, cackling with glee. "Star trekkin'!" he hummed to himself.

"Dammit!" McCoy said. "He knows those songs now!"

_It has started_, Tac Nayn said mournfully. _At least he has a variety of songs now..._

"I swear to whoever caused that, I'll tell Scotty they said the Enterprise was a rusty old piece of space junk..." Kirk hissed.

"It was him!" Sulu and Chekov pointed at each other, immediately launching into a tirade of apology and excuse in English, Russian, and Japanese. Kirk facepalmed.

_**SILENCE!**_ Tac Nayn's voice shook the ship, a dark swirl forming around the waffle-cat. _**YOU SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF- **_Tac nayn stopped. Nyan Cat was staring up at him with wide, innocent eyes.

"Watcha doin'?" he asked, childlike.

_...Trying to incur my wrath upon the mortals?_

"But I like my new songs! I _like_ llamas!"

_But... The rest of us have different tastes in music, _Tac Nayn said as gently as possible.

Nyan Cat pondered that. "Then I won't sing when you want to hear other music," he decided with a determined air.

"I like zhe llama song too," Chekov said timidly.

_You have caused enough trouble, _Tac Nayn snapped, glowering.

_We shall assist you in getting home. Once Nyan Cat's powers have reawakened, our combined efforts shall help you immensely._

"Thank you," Kirk said.

"_**STAR TREKKIN'! ACROSS THE UNIVERSE!" **_Nyan Cat's as-yet high pitched voice rang out.

"DAMMIT, NYAN!"


	7. Chapter 7

Note: I'm skipping to the teenage years here, sorry.All will be explained.Maybe. This is the crackiest chapter so far, I think.Also, I edited a little bit of ch.5 because there was a conflict of plot.

_But I don't _want_ to stop singing!_ Nyan Cat whined, his mohawk flopping over his face. He continued to glide around the heads of the bridge crew, blaring the Llama song.

"You promised you wouldn't play the songs when they got obnoxious," Kirk said, helping Spock restrain McCoy.

"That..._music_..." McCoy growled.

"Nyan Cat, you've already driven your father off the ship!" Kirk scolded, pointing to the viewscreen where Tac Nayn glided alongside the Enterprise.

(In the few weeks they'd been in the Delta Quadrant, it had become a running joke that Kirk and Tac Nayn were Nyan Cat's mother and father, respectively.)

_Not _my _fault he doesn't like good music._ Nyan Cat tossed his head defiantly.

"Well- Chekov, _stop singing along_!" Kirk glared at the ensign.

Chekov jumped, looking guilty. "Sorry, Keptin. I just like zhe llama song," he said sheepishly.

_Chekov's my buddy_, Nyan Cat said, patting Chekov on the head as he flew by. _He likes my music._

"Well, no one else does!" McCoy yelled, trying to swat the rainbow-trailing teen cat out of the air.

"Bones, don't you dare hit my child!" Kirk yelled, tackling the doctor.

All-out chaos ensued as Kirk, Spock, and McCoy got into something resembling a fight, Nyan Cat and Chekov started singing the Llama Song at the top of their lungs, Tac Nayn appeared on the bridge and he, Sulu, and Scotty attempted to simultaneously stop Nyan Cat from singing and break up the fight between the three senior officers.

_NO! I- DON'T- CARE! _Nyan Cat shouted while Chekov cowered behind the Navigation console.

_LALALALA, CAN'T HEEEAAAR YOOOUU!_

_YOU WILL BE RESPECTFUL OR YOU WILL GET OFF THIS SHIP!_ Tac Nayn shouted.

_FINE!_ Nyan Cat disappeared.

"What happened? Where is he?" Kirk asked, clutching a bruised fist.

_He is probably alongside the ship_, Tac Nayn said tiredly. _He will come back_.

Q winked in.

"Not right now, Q," Kirk said.

"Oh, I beg to differ," Q said. "He needs someone he can talk to. I'm not a parent, and he's always liked me. I'll go bring him back." Q winked out.

_Let's hope he can bring Nyan Cat back,_ Tac Nayn said. _Oh, Kirk?_

"Yes?"

_At this stage he should be kept away from tribbles, I think. _

"...Why?"

_I have heard stories of tribbles reacting to my kind's teenage hormones and vice versa. I would rather not have them proved true._

"Scotty," Kirk said.

"Aye, Captain?"

"...Hide your pet tribble."

Nyan Cat was sulking in Engineering. He hated the ship right now. He hated the galaxy.

_I want to live in the Q continuum_, he thought.

"Now why would you want to do that?"

_Nuncle Q!_

Nyan Cat turned around to see his favorite uncle.

"I heard your... incident on the bridge," Q said, smiling. "I must say, you really know how to yell!"

_Sorry, Nuncle_, Nyan cat said.

"Oh, don't worry about it," Q grinned. "But I thought you might need some cheering up." He pulled a furball out of nothingness.

_Is that...?_

"Don't feed it after midnight!" Q chirped, tossing the cooing tribble to Nyan Cat.

_Thanks, Nuncle._ Nyan Cat brought the tribble up to his face and brushed his cheek against it.

Q smiled and winked out.

"Engineerin' to Bridge." Scotty's voice, in a whisper, broke in on the Bridge.

"Go ahead," Kirk said anxiously.

"I think we've found Nyan Cat, Captain. He's in Engineerin'."

"...I'll be right down."

"Nyan Cat!" Kirk said loudly and (he hoped) happily.

Nyan Cat yelped, coughed, and produced a shower of fur- brownish fur that couldn't have possibly come from him.

"Oh- uh- sorry." Kirk toned down his enthusiasm a little. Tac Nayn appeared then, frowning slightly.

_Uh... Mom? Dad? _Nyan Cat said worriedly.

"What? What happened?" Kirk asked with a sense of dread.

_...I think I just swallowed a tribble._

Nyan Cat looked between Kirk and Tac Nayn, unsure.

"You swallowed-" Kirk was incredulous.

_How?_ Tac Nayn asked in sheer disbelief.

_Well, I- I was holding it up to my face, and then you startled me and... it just happened!_

"What effects could the tribble have on him?" Kirk asked Tac Nayn quietly.

_...I have no idea._

Suddenly Nyan Cat shivered, and another Nyan Cat popped into existence on either side of him.

He looked at each new Nyan Cat.

_Okay that was_ not _me, _he said.

The two clones, who were missing Nyan Cat's mohawk, started jumping around and trilling, like cat-shaped tribbles. Suddenly one of them simply divided into two new Nyan Cats.

"Oh no," Kirk said, backing away.

McCoy scanned them with a medical tricorder.

"Jim, their metabolism is very similar to a tribble's. We can't let them eat anything."

One of the Nyan Clones rushed through the door to Engineering.

"Stop that clone!" Kirk said, running after it.

"Where's it going, anyways?" McCoy asked as they followed the rainbow trail trhrough the corridors.

"Based on its route, a good assumption is the mess hall," Spock said.

"Crap."

When they reached the mess hall, the doors slid open to reveal at least fifty inquisitive Nyan Clones looking at them.

Kirk gulped and backed away. Tac Nayn growled. The Nyan Clones all hissed back, then stormed around the room, scattering the remains of their meals and disappearing to who-knows-where.

_Who taught them to use the replicators?_ Tac Nayn snarled.

A mop of brown hair poked above an overturned table, followed by a scared face and a hesitantly raised hand.

"Damn it, Chekov!" Kirk shouted. "I know they're cute, but _really_?!"

Chekov shrugged. "It said it vas hungry," he said apologetically. "How vas I to know it vould breed like a tribble?"

McCoy facepalmed, while Spock looked ready to cry. Tac Nayn sighed.

"And this kid's supposed to be a genius," McCoy muttered.

"Where are they now?" Kirk asked.

Tac Nayn disappeared, then reappeared looking shaken.

_They are circling the ship._ _And I believe they harbor an innate dislike for me._

Q winked in. "What's happened now?" he asked grumpily.

"Nyan Cat and a tribble have... for lack of a better term, mated," Spock said.

"What?!"

"Or something," Kirk amended.

"How?!"

_If I knew, I'd fix it_, Nyan Cat said glumly, appearing next to them.

Kirk sat in the command chair, watching the Nyan Clones multiply on the viewscreen. Every so often, one would simply divide in two.

A Nyan Clone invaded the Enterprise's personal space, its face looming large on the screen.

"WE ARE THE SPAWN OF THE INTERNET," it said. "WE THRIVE ON RANDOMNESS. WE PRODUCE RANDOMNESS. WE ARE SELF-SUFFICIENT."

Unlike the real Nyan Cat, whose pop-tart body only reached Kirk's waist, the new Nyan Cats ranged from PADD-size to almost as big as the Enterprise herself!

And they had their original song back...

"I... WILL... MURDER... EVERY LAST INSTANCE OF THAT SONG IN THE UNIVERSE IF I HAVE TO," McCoy said through clenched teeth, looking slightly psycho and very rage-filled.

"Calm down, Bones," Kirk said. "At least these Nyan Cats can travel through the galaxy much faster than us. We may be able to use them to get us home."

"And leave the Alpha Quadrant at their mercy, too? Oh no. We get rid of them HERE and NOW!"

"Bones, you're so heartless!"

Nyan Cat stopped the argument. _I think we should figure out if they actually _can_ help you get home before we decide what else to do_, he said.

Kirk nodded in agreement. Tac Nayn looked out at the Nyan Clones thoughtfully.

_How did you get here originally? _He asked.

"Well, after we encountered the original Nyan Cat," Kirk began, wincing as he realised how awkward it would be to tell their Nyan Cat about this, "We, um... we shot it with a photon torpedo."


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed this, and DragonsRme and Naomi Gemcity for reviewing pretty much evey chapter :) I know I'm adding this late, but I felt I should.

* * *

The Nyan Clones circled the Enterprise, waiting for... something. Nobody knew what.

Nyan Cat, meanwhile, had forgiven his adopted family for their _solution_ to him when he first arrived.

_But will it work with these? _Tac Nayn asked as the Enterprise maneuvered around a rather belligerent Clone.

"I'm about ready to find out," McCoy answered, holding his hands to his ears in a futile attempt to block out the nyan song. Suddenly a rainbow-trailing cube smashed the Nyan Clone out from in front of the Enterprise.

"What the hell?!" The entire bridge crew stared at the screen.

Q appeared, chuckling. "It seems the Borg have assimilated the wrong species," he said.

Kirk facepalmed.

"Nuh-uh!" Q pulled Kirk's hand away from his face. "That's for your successor to do. You don't rate yet."

This earned him some strange looks.

"What?" He stared back before disappearing again.

_Never mind_, Tac Nayn said quickly. _We must find out if the Clones react to photon torpedoes as Nyan Cat did. _

And so they maneuvered to be on the Alpha-Quadrant side of one of the largest Clones, readying a photon torpedo.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Kirk said as a Nyan Clone with Borg implants flew past them.

Kirk had to let McCoy be the one to fire the torpedo. He grinned too happily as Sulu protested feebly that it was _his_ job to fire the photon torpedos.

"Woohoo!" McCoy yelled as the Nyan Clone exploded into rainbows. A second later he was thrown across the room as the rainbows hit the Enterprise.

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a stuntsman! Why didn't you warn me?!"

"Dammit, Bones, I'm a Starfleet officer, not a warning sign!"

"Dammit, Captain, Doctor, stop fighting! I'm a Vulcan, not a mediator!"

Everyone stared at Spock.

"...It seemed logical to participate?"

The Enterprise slid to a stop.

"Ve're in zhe Alpha Quadrant, Keptin!" Chekov announced cheerfully.

"Good." Kirk picked himself up off the floor and sat in his command chair.

_Well, I think we must return to the Delta Quadrant. There is a... tribblified Borg unit that needs taking care of_, Tac Nayn said sadly.

_W-What?_ Nyan Cat was heartbroken.

Q reappeared. "Don't worry. I'll bring you back to visit them."

Nyan Cat sighed, then hugged Kirk tightly. _Bye, Mom_.

Kirk hugged him back, wiping a tear from his eye. "Bye. Come visit soon, okay?"

_I will._

Q snapped his fingers, and he and the two cats disappeared.

After a moment of silence, Kirk looked around the bridge.

"What the _fuck_ just happened?!"

* * *

_nyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyan ynyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanya nyanyanyanynanyanyanyanyanya nyanyanyanyanyanynyanyanyany anyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyanyn yanyan_

* * *

A/N: Yes, It's short! I know! I'm sorry! Yes, it's the last chapter! I know! I'm sorry! But there WILL be sequels! Even though it's complete, it's not over!

(Also, just because it's over doesn't mean you can't still review...!)


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